“You mean I’m really not nuts?”

There’s a story behind that.

This is your daily message from Chad, number 1070, to upgrade your mental game today by telling yourself a better story, because the most important story you hear is the story you tell yourself. And this message is dedicated to Kevan Chandler.

Here’s the upgrade:

Your thoughts sometimes sound like the enemy, but upgraded thinking understands the voice in your head can be your most powerful tool.

Here’s the story:

Ethan Kross is a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan. He directs the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory—a place where he studies what he calls “chatter.” That’s the voice in your head that won’t shut up. The one that spirals. The one that keeps you awake at night.

Kross became obsessed with this question because he lived it. After publishing research that got media attention, he received a death threat. It was a real threat that created real fear. For days, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. His mind looped. He was paralyzed by paranoia. The chatter owned him. Then one night, something shifted. He found himself talking to himself differently. Not “I can’t handle this.” Instead he thought, “Ethan, this is crazy. You need to calm down.” He used his own name. He spoke to himself like he’d speak to a friend.

And the strangest thing happened. The distance worked. The chatter quieted. He could think again. That accident became his life’s work. Kross proved what he intuited: when you create psychological distance—when you step outside the “I” and speak to yourself in the second person or use your own name—you shift from drowning in emotion to observing it. You become the advisor instead of the drowning man. His research has found this shift improves performance, by mimicking how a coach or advisor would speak to you.

LeBron James did this when he was torn apart by the public for leaving Cleveland. He kept saying, “What’s best for LeBron James?” Using his name. Creating distance. Making the hard choice from a place of clarity instead of chaos.

Malala did it (see message #735) after surviving an assassination attempt. “What would you do, Malala?” Coaching herself. Using her name. Staying present instead of being swallowed by fear. This is the science Kross has been studying for years that distanced self-talk lowers anxiety, reduces rumination, and improves performance under pressure. It’s not narcissism. It’s neuroscience.

Your chatter isn’t the problem. How you’re talking to yourself about the chatter—that’s the problem. The better story to tell yourself is, “When the chatter gets loud, I step back and talk to myself like I talk to someone I care about.” When you feel the spiral starting, don’t fight it. Don’t say, “I’m spiraling.” Instead, use your name. Step back. Speak to yourself like you’d speak to your kid or your good friend. That distance is clarity.

Tell me a story of a time you talked yourself through something to fromchadsmith@gmail.com. Send someone a text and ask, “When you find yourself talking to yourself, what are you saying?” You can get a free copy of my book, The Most Powerful Story in the World, by going to fromchad.gumroad.com. The transcript of this message and hundreds of others are always available at www.fromchad.com.